i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
