I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I forget how to act sober
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
