Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
