ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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