My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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