i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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