how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
