an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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