I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
