Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
