Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
