your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
