Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Randomize
