I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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