How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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