The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
