My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
