he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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