I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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