After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my sisters under your porch take her home
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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