Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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