Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am available for nakedness
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
