My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize