I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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