What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
