You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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