Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
