Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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