You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
