i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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