ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
