it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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