I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
