Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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