Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
