if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
