She announced her abortion via fbk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
