Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
