3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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