I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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