I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
