Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
