I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
