it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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