This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
