I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm bleeding and have questions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
