I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
