Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
