i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
