is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
