wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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