It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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