Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
