How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
