Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
