just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
