If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
