he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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