that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
