she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
