dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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