A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
