Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
