i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
