Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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