I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
