Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
